


Celestial

by uulalume



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Character(s) of Color, F/M, Friendship/Love, Sad and Sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9511427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uulalume/pseuds/uulalume
Summary: He once said that he had lost everything, that his constellations had fallen out of line. But the sun always rises, and celestial beings never die.





	1. prologue

  
❝ ** _HERE IN THIS CASTLE THAT SITS ON A CLOUD..._ ** ❞

  
  
When they were young, they loved nothing more than to stand on the colossal mounds of snow, proclaiming themselves king and queen of the ice lands.

He was Cassian, the determined king who ruled with a watchful eye and closed fists.

And she was Alma, his wise queen who aimed with eyes wide open and danced with the flames in her soul.

Together, they were unstoppable.

Apart, they struggled to remember the feeling.

 

 

❝ **_SOMETHING CONSUMES THIS HEART, ROOTED DEEP DOWN..._** ❞

The Empire took everything from him. One day, he stood at the gates of his kingdom, only to watch as the men of snow marched on his castle, taking everything and everyone he loved up, up, up, into the stars.

It was there, alone in his castle on a cloud, where he ruled, a silent kingdom of blood and dust.

They were just kids, this war was not theirs to fight, but the stars had burned, and his war, and their war, _became one_.

 

 

❝ **_NOW SLOWLY IM FALLING , BUT I DON'T NEED SAVING_** ❞

She awoke in darkness, but crawled into the light.

They had lost her, and they would never find her again, she would make sure of it.

But he never knew this. so he fought on, and she did too.

 

❝ **_YOU'VE ALREADY GOT ME_** ❞

What happens when stars align?

They form constellations.

And what happens when constellations are found?

They tell a tale for the ages.

❝ _**THIS CELESTIAL GLOW IS BLINDING** _ ❞


	2. What You Take

_"What you said earlier," she murmured, "about losing everything, was it your family?"_

_Cassian sighed, leaning back against the unyielding metal, feeling the vibrations of the ship moving at hyper speed through space. With every passing second they traveled millions of light years, yet time seemed to stand still as his mind took him back, revealing memories he wished would stay locked away._

_"Amongst other things," he smiled ruefully, turning to watch as the stars streaked past, a brilliant blue emanating from the windows. From the view up front, the stars seemed to blur together, rushing towards the ship and burning through the glass, reaching, calling..._

 

_"Cassian..."_

 

" ** _Cassian!_** "

 

 

> **_before._ **
> 
> **_Fest, 14 BBY_ **

 

"Huh, what?" He woke with a start, looking this way and that as he took in his surroundings.

 "You weren't even listening!" She pouted, stomping her foot as she always did when she was upset.

 "I'm sorry, Alma, what'd you say?" He asked, sitting up and pulling his knees to his chest.

 "Well, I don't wanna talk about it now," she huffed, raising her head indignantly and turning the other way.

 "Alma..." he sighed, getting up on his feet so he could console her.

 Her tensed body eased at his touch as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes as she turned to face him. "He died last night," she whispered. Cassian exhaled, hand falling back against his body as he processed the news. He couldn't imagine how much this must've hurt her, they had been so close...

 "I'm so sorry," was all he could think to say. And he knew that nothing else would reassure her more than him just being there. So he allowed her to rush into his arms, burying her face into his chest as sobs wracked her body. "Tomorrow will be kinder," he murmured, a saying his mother used to always soothe him with. It always made him feel at ease, so he only hoped that it would work for her in this moment.

 And it seemed to, because after a few moments Alma's breathing went even, and she stepped away to look up at him. "Thank you," she smiled softly. Cassian only nodded, returning the smile as they turned to keep watch over the castle's edge.

 "Just keep your eyes on the horizon," he advised her, handing her the rusted electrobinoculars they had found years ago buried in the snow. It was a miracle the thing even worked, considering all the tinkering he'd done since finding it, "maybe, if we're lucky, we'll see them when they come marching."

Alma scoffed, brushing off any residual tears on her cheeks before bringing the machine up to her eyes, "yeah, and then what?"

 "We fight," Cassian shrugged.

 Alma smirked, "I like the sound of that," she mused, still gazing through mechanical eyes.

 Cassian laughed then, climbing down the ladder so that he could get his blaster from the chest. He gingerly holstered the gun before turning to the plans on the walls.

 Before they had joined the fight, this fort had been their favorite place to play as kids. Of course, they still were young, but that was hard to remember as he felt the blaster against his waist, turning his gaze on various maps tracking advances across their planet.

 Cassian approached the board, placing a hand on a small part of the map covered in a red X. He closed his eyes.

He began whispering, words incoherent to Alma as she watched on from above. She wished she could comfort him the way he had done for her, but people dealt with their grief in different ways, and she knew that Cassian would talk to her when he was ready. He always did.

 She brought the binoculars up to her eyes again, and she was greeted to an endless field of snow. Riveting. Alma almost gave up and went back down to meet Cassian, but something in the distance caught her eye. She zoomed in on the device, and sure enough, the snow had begun to move. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Wait, what? snow moving? She focused in again, and suddenly she realized what it was. "

 Cassian." she called, still looking through the binoculars.

 "What is it, Alma?" he replied, climbing up the ladder.

 "I...They..." she gasped, peeling her eyes away from the device to face him.

 "Alma, what's going on? What do you see?" Cassian asked, taking in the panic in her eyes.

 "They're here." she breathed.

 

 

>   ** _after._**
> 
> **_Fest, 14 BBY_ **

 

Before today, there had only been one moment in Cassian's life where he had truly felt as if it was the end of the world.

 His dark eyes scanned the wreckage before him. Fire had erupted from all sides, but he didn't seem to mind. It almost felt nice as he kneeled down in the soft snow. The wind howled against war cries and blasters echoing in the distance, but none of it seemed to matter, he could only see her before him, hair sprawled out and speckled in frost, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth.

 "C-Cassian..." she struggled to speak.

 "Stop," he breathed, scooping her up onto his lap. "you don't have to say anything," he reassured her, gently running his fingers through her hair. He never had the courage to say it before, but her hair had been one of the first things about her he had fallen in love with. It was almost laughable now, as he saw the glazed look in her eyes. She was going to die, and he would only work up the guts now to tell her how he felt.

 "No, listen," she murmured, grabbing onto the hand he lay on her stomach. "Please."

 Cassian felt something wet running down his cheeks, and at first he thought he was bleeding too, but when he leaned down to listen to her, she reached up and brushed the moisture away. Tears. She was brushing away his tears. "I don't know," she coughed, "I don't know a lot of things. I'm not supposed to. I was supposed to have a long time to figure these kinds of things out, but I guess," and she struggled to laugh, "I guess that's gone out the window." She paused then, reaching up again to brush her fingers over his cheek, but this time there was no tear to wipe away.

 "I..." she began, but a grenade went off a few feet in front of them, and the blast shook the ground, sending them flying backwards as snow and shrapnel rained down from above. There was a ringing in Cassian's ears as he struggled to get back to his feet. The blast had disoriented him to the core, but he had to find her...he had to bring her back...

 "Alma!" He yelled, stumbling through the wreckage. She had to be close by, he wouldn't lose her, not her too. He wildly looked around, and couldn't find her, until he saw her surrounded by troopers. They drew their blasters and surrounded her.

 "No!" Cassian roared, running as fast as he could. He drew his blaster and shot one of them down, but it was too late, they had already grabbed her and hoisted her up, carrying her away to one of the ships closeby.

 "We've got her," one of them confirmed on his comm, and Cassian tried to shoot him down, but someone caught him before he could pull the trigger, restraining him as he fought his hardest to keep going.

 "Cassian stop!" The older man commanded, shaking him repeatedly. "It's too late, they have her already. Don't die over this," he tried to reason with him, but Cassian only yelled louder, crying out in anguish as the ship blasted off into the sky, vision blurring as tears pooled over.

 Before, there had only been one moment in Cassian's life where he had truly felt as if it was the end of the world.

 That day made two.


	3. The Traitor

 

**_"Who's the one in the next cell?"_ **

 

_Cassian and Baze both turned their attention to the figure in question. Chirrut stayed in his position, his posture calm but alert as Baze looked through the bars._

_"An Imperial pilot," he snarled, and he was about to attack, but something clicked in Cassian's mind, and he immediately rushed to stop the assassin._ _It was enough to get him to back off, but Cassian could still feel the tension in Baze's body as he shuffled backwards._

_Cassian turned his attention to the pilot, who mumbled incoherently. He wreaked of sweat and filth and it took Cassian much willpower to not shrink away as he asked, "are you the pilot?"_

_The man's wide eyes only stared off into the distance, turning over the words carefully in his head.  (Pilot? Pilot...)_

_Cassian frowned. What had Saw done to this man? Did he do this to all of his prisoners? He shook his head at the thought, feeling a prying hand in his mind, trying to force a memory back to the forefront._

_But he didn't want to remember, didn't want to picture her face again, battered and bruised, her own wide eyes staring past him as she mumbled, " **I helped them, Cass.** "_

_Cassian tried again, "Galen Erso? Do you remember that name?"_

_At this, the broken man slowly came back to reality, murmuring to himself until all the pieces finally fell into place, "I'm the pilot," he whispered in horror, then, a mixture of shock and hope, "I'm the pilot."_

_Cassian nodded in relief, but as the man he would later know as Bodhi Rook repeated the phrase, all he could hear was her voice, chanting again and again, "What have I done?"_

 

_" **What have I done?** "_

 

> **_before._ **
> 
> **_Unknown planet, 14 BBY_ **

 

"You are Alma Halding, are you not?" he asked, a vision worthy of nightmares, with his looming presence over her broken body, chained and covered in dirt. She had awoken only minutes earlier, wrists and ankles strapped down in what appeared to be a medical examination room.

She feebly raised her head to meet his steely gaze. "What's the ID say?" she retorted, a smirk playing on her lips as the Imperial officer twitched in agitation. 

"Full of fire, this one," he began, raising his voice to address the two guards at the door, "Should we remind her what happens to those who fight fire with fire?" 

Alma's breath quickened as one of the Stormtroopers brought a needle up to the officer, gently placing it in his hand before returning to his position. 

She tried to fight him off, but the restraint rendered her immobile, allowing him full access to her arm as he exposed her tanned skin. "You will help us, you owe that much," he warned her, before injecting her with the clear liquid. 

Alma cried out in pain. The serum rushed through her veins, and with every path it traveled, her body felt even more like it was on fire, burning her from the inside out. She writhed and struggled against her restraints, but it was useless, the words were already coming out of her mouth before she could stop, "What do you want to know?" she asked through gritted teeth. 

"How a child was able to intercept our encrypted messages, and how we can make sure that it never happens again," the officer replied, nonchalant as he slowly placed the needle down on a small tray next to Alma. 

She grimaced, feeling tears pool over as the words spilled out, "It wasn't me who did it,"

"But you had help."

"He's dead now. You all made damn sure of that."

"Oh, but you must remember, don't you?" the officer asked, leaning against the table so that he was closer to her face, "I mean, you remembered enough to tell your friend what you knew, what was his name, again? Cassian? Cassian Andor?"

Alma was fuming, panting as she stared at the officer in contempt. 

"If you want him safe, you _will_ help us." he commanded, voice low and foreboding. 

They had done it. Once again, and after all she did to protect him, the Empire had found someone else she loved, and they were going to take him away, just like they did with her brother. 

She couldn't let it happen, not again. 

Alma closed her eyes, trying to picture Cassian's face, and every memory she managed was paired with his smile, and that would be enough. It had to be. For him.

"Fine." she breathed, and with one word, she sealed her fate as a collaborator, a traitor, a _coward_. 

* * *

 

Days, months, even years had passed, and Alma was still a hostage on the Imperial base, helping them intercept and decrypt Rebel messages. 

At the beginning, she had simply done what her job required, no attempts to break the rules, no fighting back. She couldn't risk them finding Cassian, couldn't even fathom the thought of him, dead and cold. 

But as time progressed she earned their trust, and therefore gained more freedom. 

That had been their first mistake. 

She had done it slowly, using the many years as hostage to her advantage, but finally, after all of her searching, she had done it. 

The base was top secret, fabricated to appear as a mining location, but the planet was a wasteland, uninhabited and overlooked by all eyes across the galaxy. 

It was the perfect location for a weapons testing facility, and a sitting powder keg, ready to blow. And Alma was going to be the one who blew it up. 

Well, she was the one who would tell various radicalists about its location, and how to find it. And this was there the Empire made their second mistake. 

With her gained trust she had access to their technological stronghold. Here she had the rights to a limited amount of data resources, filtered by the officers of course, but what little information they gave had been enough. 

She had been the one to crack their decryption codes, and she had been the one to make a brand new one, using it to send messages to various extremists, telling them to attack soon and bring as much firepower as they could manage. 

And the day had come, and the base would soon go up in flames. 

 

> **_after._ **

 

Flames erupted from all sides as she stumbled against the rocky terrain, using the fire to light her path. Her plan had worked, but she hadn't taken into consideration what she would do after she was free. 

As soon as she was far enough, Alma stopped to catch her breath. She looked up to the stars, and her heart was heavy. She wanted to come home, but what would happen if they knew what she had done?

Some of the messages she intercepted were locations of rebel forces, and Alma knew that once this information was sent to the officers, those rebels were as good as dead, and she was the one who killed them. 

She couldn't imagine the look on Cassian's face as she told this truth to him, watch as his once loving stares turned to looks of disgust. She was a traitor, someone who didn't deserve to call herself a Rebel. 

So she walked on, and as the fire burned out, she lost the light to her path. 

 


	4. Tessellate

_ Rain pelted his body as he struggled to focus in on the sniper. The man of gray paced nervously across the platform, yelling at Orson Krennic, raising his arms in defense. _

_ But it was too late. Cassian watched as the engineers behind Galen Erso fell one by one, shot down by soldiers. _

_ The sight reminded him what he was here for, much to his chagrin. He rubbed his eyes again, trying to get hair and as much moisture as he could out of eyesight before returning to the crosshairs. _

_ He finally settled his aim between the man's forehead; all he had to do now was pull the trigger. _

_ These were his orders, and it wasn't the first time he had killed for the cause, but something in his bones told him that it wasn't right, that there had to be a different way. _

_ "There's always another way," a voice rang. Cassian shook his head, trying to get it out. "If it feels wrong, don't do it, Cass. Don't just fight for the cause, fight for yourself." _

_ Cassian couldn't focus, all he heard was her, and he adjusted the gun again, but she went on, "Don't let this war beat you." _

_ He let out an exasperated sigh, pulling away from the gun, and dropped his head against the grip. _

_ He had every chance to pull the trigger, but he didn't. He couldn't. _

_ She wouldn't let him.  _

  
  


> **_before._ **
> 
> **_Yavin four, 5 BBY_ **

 

Cassian studied the board once more, hoping that maybe this time the pieces would finally fall into place. They'd been trying to solve this mystery for ages: an Imperial base randomly bombed by radicals, on an uninhabited planet, with no sign of Rebel involvement. It had been years since the event occurred, but because of the action's of one person inside the base, a chain reaction shook the galaxy. The war was alive and real, and this person's actions only spurred on the reaction.

"Lieutenant Andor," a familiarly stern voice called out to him. Cassian turned, and was greeted to General Draven, briskly making his way across the room to meet him.

"General," Cassian gave a slight nod, watching as Draven handed him a loaded folder.

"Looks like one of your sources finally struck gold. It's a long shot, but we think we've finally done it." He briefed the lower ranking officer as he looked through the files.

Cassian stopped when he found the photos. He picked one from the pile and examined it closely. He knew from the second his eyes landed on it that this was her. It had to be. She was in Cato Neimoidia, captured just as she was looking over her shoulder in the bustling city.

His heart leapt to his throat, and he could have smiled, but he noticed that her once flawless complexion was now marred, faint burn scars rippling from the edge of her cheek down to her neck. Cassian felt a familiar twinge of grief, instantly reliving his last moments with her before they took her away.

He remembered the blast that separated them, remembered how the flames reached her and not him as her body was flung into the debris. The day lived down in infamy for the young solider, and he swore, as the ship carried her away to captivity, that he would fight to see her safe again, and despite the scars on her face, Cassian knew this picture proved that she was alive, and that's all he would need to know.

He looked up, and the General mirrored his own look of determination.

"Let's bring her home, Cassian."

 

* * *

 

 

> _ Cato Neimoidia _

  
  


"You cheated me!" the Neimoidian wheezed, raising his fist in anger as Alma smirked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Treg. You gave me the access codes, but they must've been the wrong ones, not my fault I couldn't get in," she shrugged, leaning back in her seat.

She made sure to choose this outdoor tavern, an open balcony overlooking the bustling city. Before she mastered the craft, Alma had met with her clients in alley ways, secluded taverns, risky places made to initiate business. It was a hard lesson, one that involved the loss of many great fortunes and a few scars, but she had certainly learned. Now she was sure to meet in the open, establish witnesses and security.

"I should have never paid you in advance," he huffed, bringing his thin hands over his beady eyes.

"You really shouldn't have, not unless you had the right information," she replied, before rising from her seat, "Now, if you'll excuse me, you're not the only sorry fool I have to deal with today."

At this Treg growled in frustration, jumping to attack, but she was too quick. Alma dodged his advance, and disappeared in the crowd of bystanders, who all watched as the Neimoidian struggled to get up from the ground. "I'll make sure you never find work again, Callista!"

"Yeah, you do that," Alma yelled over her shoulder, chuckling as she sprinted down the stairs. As she pushed and shoved to step out onto the city streets, Alma mentally cursed herself. It had been so easy to manipulate the humanoid, she had forgotten to take his awful temper into account. She made a mental note to reforge her ID once again by the end of the night.

Alma weaved through the crowd to find her home. She made sure to look over her shoulder every now and then, unsure as to whether or not Treg would send any of his men to follow her. She didn't put it past him either, the creature was of a wealthy species, known for their greedy nature, and they most certainly did not like to be played the way that he had been.

But the only person who seemed to be watching her was a mousy little girl who hid every time they made eye contact. Alma admired the little one's effort, but she made sure to disappear into the crowd, rounding the corner into a narrow alleyway. A few steps in, there lay a blasted hole in the wall, and Alma stepped inside, raising the hatch hidden among the rubble to climb down into a dimly lit room.

She knew that the second she pulled down on the hatch that the force was too hard, and she sighed as the candles went out with the wind produced by the crash. What she didn't count on was rubble from above falling in. Alma let out a cry as debris hit her in the head, dust covering her eyes, causing her to lose grip on the ladder and land with a harsh thud on the unforgiving dirt. 

Alma groaned, her elbow ached from the impact and the shawl that was once wrapped her head covered her eyes as she groped around in the dark for a lantern. 

She struggled for only a few seconds before a faint light emanated from the corner of the room. Brushing the fabric from her eyes, Alma stared at the person across from her in utter confusion. 

It was the mousy little girl who had been following her since she left the tavern. The small thing, with chocolate brown hair and tanned skin like hers stared back with wide hazel eyes. 

"Who...How did you..?" Alma stuttered, completely baffled for the first time in many years. 

But the girl wasted no time, bringing a finger up to her lips to hush the older woman. She then  pointed upwards, and Alma could hear muffled voices from above, speaking through comms to one another. 

She closed her eyes and felt her heart sink. Storm troopers. When Alma opened her eyes, the girl had placed the lantern back down on the dirt, slowly making her way over. She stopped when their faces were inches apart, and faintly, she whispered, "you can't hide forever."

Alma felt her mouth open slightly, unsure how to respond, but the girl continued, "they found you here, and they'll keep on finding you, Alma. That's why we're here to help you."

The wheels began to turn in Alma's head, and she felt tears spring to her eyes as she stared at this youthful face, so seemingly innocent. But Alma knew better. She realized that this was another child soldier, an orphan of war, like herself. She wanted to ask the girl when they recruited her, how her parents died, if she still had the same nightmares each night, but she couldn't shake the fact that this girl knew her name, even though she had never seen her before. "How do you know my name?" Alma whispered.

"That's not the question you should be asking," the little girl chided her. 

Alma began to speak, but from above she heard the footsteps multiply and thud more heavily, causing dust to rain down on the two of them. She knew that they were closing in, that it was only a matter of seconds, but she had so many questions, she needed to know more.

Before she got the chance, Alma felt the air change. She couldn't explain it, the feeling that always rushed through her in moments like this. But it seemed as if time stopped, and the air itself was brushing past her ear, whispering words of warning, telling her to get up, to take the girl and run. 

When the tension reached its peak, the only sound Alma heard was the faint toll of a bell, then the explosions began. 

"Get back!" Alma roared, grabbing the girl and pulling her to the corner as the rocks rained down, daylight pouring through where the entrance had once been. 

What felt like a million voices called out from above, mingled with the explosions and rumbling. Alma heard clicking of guns as they aimed at her and the child. 

"Come forward with your hands up," one of the storm troopers commanded, and Alma couldn't even react before the little girl escaped her grip, pulling out a blaster from her robes. 

"For Rethea!" She yelled, before pulling the trigger.

"No!" Alma cried, but it was already too late. The little girl had taken down only three of them before she was gunned down, sprawled out under the light as they continued to fire. 

"Stop it!" Alma was shrieking, rushing towards the girl. "That's enough!" 

She didn't even notice as they dropped down and surrounded her, pointing their guns at her. She only stared down at the blood stained face, brilliant hazel eyes still shining as they stared blankly at the light. Alma rocked the little one gently, silently sobbing. 

The longer Alma stared into her eyes, the darker they became. It wasn't long until they were brown, and the girls face wasn't so rounded and youthful, cheekbones becoming more prominent and nose more angled as she stopped being a little girl. "Myri," Alma breathed, "Myri, wake up."

"Let go of the girl and put your hands up!" the trooper commanded. But Alma didn't hear them, she only focused on the body before her. 

"She's my sister," Alma explained, glancing up through tear covered eyes, "Please, she was my only one."

But the men had lost their patience, and they were about to hit her over the head to silence her, when a voice rang out from above, "Get away from her!" 

Alma tried to look above at the source, but their body was directly against the sunlight, which blinded her as she squinted. Gun fire pelted the troopers, and before she knew it they were all on the ground, just as dead as the girl in her arms. 

"Alma?" The voice called out again, and she felt something stir from within as she processed the voice. She had heard an accent like that before, a long time ago, in another life. 

"Who's there?" she asked, still holding on to the girl as he descended. 

When the man crouched down to look at her, Alma couldn't find the air to fill her lungs. She knew it was him, it had to be. There was scruff on his chin, and a few more age lines, but nonetheless he was there, after all those years she spent running away from him, he was finally there. 

She whispered, "Cass?" frightened that she would be wrong, but praying that she would be right.

His dark brown eyes were already welling with tears, but now, as he smiled, they spilled over. He laughed, nodding vigorously, "Yes, yes Alma, it's me." 

And she didn't know if it was the dead girl still in her arms, or if it was that mingled with the overwhelming feeling of seeing him again, but Alma couldn't stop the sobs from wracking her body as she sprung up and held on to him tightly, clinging onto his warmth for dear life. 

"It's okay," Cassian breathed, pulling her in closer. "I'm here. I'm here now."

And as he held her in his arms, debris rained from above. The explosions still shook the planet as the war continued to rage on. But before they would have to go back, they had this one moment, they had this.    
  



	5. Dreams

"Run, and don't look back!" Cassian roared over the explosions, dust and rubble raining down from above. 

Alma was sprinting down the street, hands shaking as she raised her blaster, gunning down any stormtrooper who got in her way. 

Her dark eyes darted across the crowded street; only minutes earlier she had been walking down this way, on her way home. Now, innocent civilians were screaming in horror, caught in the crossfire of the rebellion and the empire. 

"Cass!" Alma cried out, turning around to shoot a stormtrooper just before he threw a grenade in their direction. They both watched as the blast engulfed him, taking any other soldier in white who was unlucky enough to be close by. 

Alma watched the flames dance and twist in the breeze. Her breath came out uneven as she asked, "What do we do now?"

"We keep running." Cassian replied solemnly, before bumping her shoulder with his blaster, urging her to keep going. 

Alma was close behind, but as hard as she tried to tune it out, the soldier's cries of agony rang through the chaos, following her deeper and deeper into the battle.

 

* * *

 

 

The ship hummed as they darted through the galaxy. 

They had made it back just before the explosions shook the planet, war tearing apart the once beautiful city. Alma watched from the window as the flames swallowed it whole, before they went into hyper space.

She leaned back against the unforgiving metal, feeling the vibrations in her skull as she closed her eyes, letting sleep take her. 

Cassian sat next to her, watching as she fell into a fitful slumber. She shuffled every few seconds, face contorting in agony before easing back to a neutral expression. 

He sighed, knowing what dreams she must be having, he'd been having the same ones since they were children. Imagining everyone you love die is a horrible nightmare, but the real horror is waking up and realizing that your dreams are reality.  

Despite it all, he still couldn't believe that she was here. Before, he thought about the torture she must've been enduring under the Empire, and he used that anger as motivation for fighting back, to avenge everyone they took from him. But now, as he watched her breathe and dream, he felt something new.

Alma woke with a start, gasping for breath. She looked around wildly, and Cassian immediately moved to calm her, reassure her that he was there. 

"Hey, it's okay," Cassian murmured, grabbing her shoulders, rubbing them gently. "You're safe."

She stared at him, the look of panic still on her face as she tried to slow her breathing. Shaking her head, she mentally cursed herself as the tears started again. 

Cassian immediately pulled her into his arms, and he told her to close her eyes, to go back to sleep, but he didn't know that every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the little girl, hazel eyes still alive as they stared off into the light.

 

* * *

 

"Alma," he whispered, "we're here."

Cassian gently placed a hand on her shoulder, waking her up. She slowly leaned forward, in complete awe as the ship landed on Yavin 4. 

It was dusk, so she could only see the sun fading under the great mountains, but the last strain of light spread over the base, casting a warm glow over the vine covered temple. All around pilots and soldiers rushed to their stations; Alma couldn't find one person who was standing still. 

"Come on," Cassian smiled, amused by the look of amazement on her face as she processed it all. Silently, she took his hand, following him out of the ship. 

The bustle was even louder and more hectic as they made their way through the crowd. From all over, people called out to Cassian, some waving while others clapped him on the shoulder, welcoming him back. 

Alma, out of habit, pulled the shawl over her head, absentmindedly tugging it over the right side of her face as the others began to look. Back then, she got used to people's stares lingering on her scars, she learned to ignore them as she walked on, but now, she had to start all over again. 

Cassian, however, was too preoccupied by what a pilot was saying, updating him on what he missed while he was away. He led the pair to the main headquarters, shoving through various species of rebels to finally reach the center of the room. 

There, a female humanoid stood with her back facing the three humans, arguing with a tall man of dark hair and tanned skin, looking over maps projected into the air. 

She wore a long hooded cape as black as night, but with the hood down, Alma recognized her to be Togruta, and it wasn't until she turned around that her identity was confirmed. 

Alma could only stare in disbelief, eyes wide as the Togruta beheld both her and Cassian. 

"This is the one I've been telling you about," Cassian began, gesturing over to Alma, who still held the look of bewilderment on her face. 

"Alma Halding," she smiled, "Cassian's spoken highly of you for quite some time. Are, you okay?" she asked, noticing the young woman's surprise.

"You're...Ahsoka Tano," Alma breathed.

Cassian grinned then. He had forgotten the tales Alma used to tell him as children. She would meet him in their castle, teeming with stories her parents had shared with one another after their missions. They tried to keep Alma from hearing them, afraid that she would be alarmed by the violence of it all, but she always put her ear against the door, hid around the corner, anything to hear about the adventures they had. They were Rebels before it even became a part of their vocabulary, members of the government who secretly worked with other spies to maintain peace across the galaxy. 

Cassian remembered the day she came running, out of breath as she spoke of a great padawan named Ahsoka Tano, who had defected from the Jedi, but was a gifted fighter and stronger than she believed. 

He watched Alma now, practically giddy with excitement as Ahsoka laughed, "I am."

"I'm sorry," Cassian said, "I'd forgotten how big of a fan she is."

Alma could feel the heat rushing to her face, nudging his arm with her elbow as he snickered. "Stop it," she grumbled, but smiled anyway as he kept on laughing. "I just heard stories about you, that's all."

"All good ones I hope," Ahsoka replied, and when Alma nodded she averted her gaze to the shawl, "you're safe inside now, you don't need to hide your face from us all."

Alma's smile faltered. She looked around the room, realizing that no one was staring besides Cassian and Ahsoka. So she hesitantly reached up and pulled down the fabric, watching as Ahsoka's eyes landed on the scars. 

"What have they done to you?" she murmured. 

Alma blinked, finding the courage to speak through Cassian's warmth as he leaned against her shoulder. "Enough to make me want to fight back." she replied, finally meeting the Togruta's eyes.

Ahsoka grinned, "Then you'll fit right in."

 

* * *

 

She had left an hour later, informing Alma and Cassian of other Rebel bases she had to sort out business with. 

But before she left, she, along with General Draven, gave the green light to recruit Alma. Cassian knew they would approve, but it was still a matter of formality they had to go through. He was overjoyed, but even though Alma matched his excitement, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering her, that her being allowed to stay just wasn't sitting right with her.

He helped her settle in to her quarters anyway, giving her fresh clothes and supplies, and after, he was about to walk out and give her time to get settled, but before he could close the door she called out to him, "Cass, wait."

He hesitated, but stepped back in the room, closing the door behind him as she beckoned for him to sit next to her. 

Feeling the hard mattress give way to his bodyweight, he looked over to see the glazed look in Alma's eyes. 

There was a silence that hung over the both of them as she tried to find the right words, but after a few moments, she whispered, "when you found me, you saw the girl I was holding." 

Cassian nodded. He spoke the words so she wouldn't have to, "her name was Sola. She volunteered to find you, insisted upon it, really. " 

He felt her body tense against his shoulder, but he continued, "Lost her parents when she was 6, like us. Lost her brother and sister a few years after that. When I found her, she was alone, living off scraps she could scavenge off of civilians. The girl was dying."

Alma blinked, feeling the moisture running down her cheeks. 

"But she became a soldier. Lost her childhood, but we all did too. When she died, she died knowing that she had found you, Alma. Had found hope."

She looked up at him then, "What do you mean?"

Cassian whispered,"One day, during her training, something broke in her. She never told me what was wrong, but I think it's better she didn't. 

"She asked me, 'why do you get up everyday? why do you still fight?' and, for a while, I didn't think I could give her an answer. I thought about everything that happened, to my family, to our home, to  _ you,  _ and I just couldn't see past my anger. 

"But, instead, I told her about you, about our little castle on a cloud," he glanced over at her then, both smiling as they remembered the fort. "I told her that after everything we endured, every life we lost, I still had you. Of course, she asked where you were, and I had to tell her. She had no one else, Alma. So she wanted to help, to make sure I wouldn't be alone..."

Cassian stopped, trying to compose himself as he felt his grief finally pour in, the tight feeling in his chest that he had been trying to fight off since he saw the child's body in Alma's arms. He didn't think he cared that much, didn't know that the little girl had left such an impression on him, but as Alma rested her head against his shoulder, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, he was finally able to just feel. 

" She told me," He turned to look down at Alma, who met his tearful gaze, " that she'd help me find my hope. "

They were both silent then, holding on to each other as they were left to their thoughts. 

"Stay tonight, please." Alma whispered, knowing how late it was. 

Cassian only nodded, following her body as they lay down on the bed, her head resting on his heart as they stared at the ceiling. 

After a long silence, Cassian finally spoke, "Before, I thought I was just fighting for revenge, and maybe...maybe that's how it started. But now... Now I know it's not all for hate. It's for you, for the future... for hope." 

Alma held him tighter, feeling his arm wrap around her body, pulling her in close. 

That night, Cassian dreamed of a long, dark tunnel. He saw himself running, trying to reach the light at the end. He didn't know what was behind him, it was too dark to see, but it didn't matter, because all he knew was that he had to reach the figure standing in the bright light. They were calling his name, trying to grab his hand as he reached out. 

Before their fingers could brush, he fell forward, and suddenly he was swimming in stars, watching as ships passed him by, planets orbiting all around. The voice still called out to him, but it was soon drowned out by a bell, ringing and crashing in his ears.

When he awoke, he immediately reached out for Alma, who was now on her side, facing the other direction as she slept. As he leaned into her warmth, he felt her body rise and fall gently, her breathing pattern slowly lulling him back to sleep. 

Alma dreamt too, but it wasn't a bell that haunted her.

In her dreams, she was alone in a crowded room of strangers. 

Their eyes surrounded her, calling her a collaborator, a coward, a traitor. 

  
  



	6. What You Remember

There was a gentle knock on the door.

 

Alma slowly rose from bed. Squinting, she raised a hand to block out the rays of sunshine that poured through her window. Her long raven hair tickled her thigh as she ducked her head down, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes before standing up and lazily stretching.

 

Another knock.

 

"Coming," Alma sighed, before shuffling to the door,

 

When she opened it Cassian stood at the entrance, his eyes quickly glancing over her clean face and fresh clothes. He nodded, a neutral expression on his face. "You're awake."

 

He had left Alma last night with the blood still on her hands and dirt in her hair after she confessed to him. She didn't need to tell him twice to go, he needed time to think about everything, to take in the weight of her actions.

 

"I am now," she murmured. "Listen, about last night —"

 

"Alma," Cassian interjected, " It's okay, we'll get the chance to talk about it later. Get dressed, we're going somewhere."

 

Alma tilted her head, a confused look on her face as she replied, "Where?"

 

Cassian looked down and let out a breathy chuckle before meeting her gaze again. He gave a soft smile, "You'll see."

* * *

 

They were flying again, to where Alma had no idea. She sat co-pilot, fidgeting with the sleeves of her black sweater as Cassian adjusted the coordinates.

 

_No, not that,_ he said after she came out of her room in the usual t-shirt and cargo pants. _Do you have something...warmer?_ So here she was, sweating as heat radiated from the machines, settling in the thick fabric of her sweater. She was sweaty, confused, and agitated. It especially didn't help that Cassian refused to tell her where they were going.

 

"You can't even give me a hint." Alma turned to look at him, but he refused to take his eyes off their path.

 

"I think I already gave you one," he replied, reaching up to flip a switch before taking off his headset. The ship was stable and navigating by itself.

 

"What? When?" She asked, watching him get up and make his way to the hangar.

 

"You're sweating aren't you?" he grinned, watching her roll her eyes. "We'll be there soon."

 

Alma took off her own headset and walked towards him. "Cass..." she began.

 

"Alma," he breathed, his back to her as he pulled a thick jacket out from one of the storage cabinets. "I said not yet."

 

"You don't even know what I was about to say," she argued, crossing her arms.

 

"I don't have to." he retorted, but she could practically see the smile on his face as he shrugged on the jacket.

 

"I was gonna say," she quietly walked over until she leaned over his shoulder, "that your jacket is awfully green."

 

"Hey," Cassian frowned, smoothing the fabric. "What's wrong with green?"

 

"You don't look good in it," she replied. He turned around then, fake indignation on his face.

 

"Are you serious right now?" As hard as she tried to keep a straight face, Alma couldn't help it as the laughter bubbled over. Her voice reverberated through the hangar, surrounding them in the echo. Cassian was chuckling too, watching as she doubled over, wiping a tear from her eye as she tried to compose herself.

 

"I'm sorry," she sighed, straightening up, "but I'm not kidding." His smile dropped.

 

She brushed past him to grab a jacket for herself and laughed all the way back to her seat. "It looks better on me!" she teased.

 

Cassian shook his head, but let out a breathy chuckle.

 

* * *

 

 

 It wasn't long until they reached their destination.

 

Cassian took the ship off hyperdrive, and instantly they were flying through an endless sea of white.

 

Alma inhaled sharply, a dazed look in her eyes as she tried to take it all in. There was so much of it, sparkling and glistening against the brilliant sunlight. As the ship drew closer to land, the flakes swirled all around them, surrounding them in a rain of snow.

 

When they finally touched ground, she immediately took off her headset, bounding to the hangar and yelling for Cassian to open up the hatch. He quietly obliged, a soft smile playing on his lips as she yelled out in elation. The ice cold winds blasted through her hair, sending loose strands flying as she squinted against the sunlight.

 

Alma took her first step in the snow, listening for the satisfying crunch underneath her boots. Cassian followed behind, trudging along as she ventured out in the open.

 

"Cass," she yelled, breathless with excitement, "What planet is this?"

 

"Hoth," he replied, following her gaze to the mountainous terrain before them. "There were thoughts of making this another base, incase something were to happen on Yavin 4. So they sent us to scope out the land."

 

"Well, let's check it out then," She insisted, already making her way down the gentle slope of the mountain.

 

"Alma!" Cassian called out, "Wait!" He grabbed her arm, slipping a blaster into her hand.

 

She turned around, "What's this for?" She asked, glancing between Cassian and the gun in confusion.

 

"There's no intelligent life here, but there are other creatures. Just in case." He murmured, urging for her to grab hold.

 

Alma nodded, holstering the blaster. "C'mon, let's go!" she smiled, grabbing onto him as she ran.

 

Cassian followed, laughing with her as she led them along the side of the mountain. The harsh winds were unforgiving against their already reddening cheeks, but Alma trudged along, dragging Cassian with her.

 

It was a long time before Cassian finally caught sight of it.

 

"Wait," he stood still, stopping Alma in her tracks as his weight pulled her back. She turned to him, and he walked towards an enormous mound of ice, towering high above and blocking their way as far as their eyes could see. He pressed his gloved hands against the wall, feeling out the solidity. "This is it."

 

"What is?" Alma asked, still standing where he left her.

 

"It'd be here, in this glacier." He called out, turning to face her, a boyish grin playing on his lips.

 

"Wow," Alma breathed, running to feel the ice herself. "So, when this base is up and running, there a way you could reassign me here?" she grinned.

 

Cassian scoffed, leaning against the wall, "Like you'd give me a choice."

 

"Hey," she exclaimed, playfully nudging his shoulder. "I'd give you the choice. You'd just have to make the right one."

 

He nodded, "That sounds about right for you."

 

They both laughed, sliding down until they sat against the ice wall, staring off towards the brilliant fields of snow. "So, if you already knew where the base was gonna be, that means no one really sent us to scope out this place, didn't they?" Alma asked, absentmindedly picking at the packed snow as Cassian gave a knowing smile.

 

"Yeah," he murmured.

 

"So when are you finally gonna talk to me about last night, then?" she asked, turning to look up at him.

 

He sighed, bringing his legs close to his chest, "I needed time to think about it." Alma was silent, squinting against the sunlight as she waited for him to continue. "I used to worry about you, you know? I thought about what kind of torture they put you through, those scars they gave you, everything horrible that they could have done...I thought about it." his breath came out uneven. "That's what I told you before, what kept me going. That anger that they could just do something like that. But when you told me what happened, how you just sat there...and helped them," he shook his head, "I won't lie to you and say that it didn't make me mad, it's just. It's just that who you were telling me about, this person who followed orders, and stood by while others died, that didn't sound like you, that wasn't the girl I grew up with."

 

Alma was scowling then, staring at the ground as her vision blurred with tears. "People change, Cass. War happened. What was I supposed to do, be that spunky little girl who threw rocks at deathtroopers with you forever?" She laughed bitterly, "No, that's not how it works."

 

"I know that," Cassian interjected, "and that's why I brought you here."

 

She looked up at him, "What do you mean?"

 

"I was so caught up in thinking about what you did while you were captured, I never thought about what you lost while you were there." He shook his head, watching her hastily wipe away her tears. "I get that everything you did was to get them to trust you, to keep us safe. And Alma, the rebellion will never be able to thank you enough for taking that whole base out by yourself. But they kept you there, locked up, for years." he frowned, seeing tears springing up again as she tried to stop her lip from quivering. "Is this the first time you've seen snow since they took you from Fest?"

 

Alma paused. She looked down at the flakes on her gloves, then slowly at the endless sea of snow before them. She hadn't realized it until he brought it up, and as the wind picked up again, she closed her eyes to let the breeze hit her burning cheeks. For a second she wasn't here as much as she was there, in Fest, standing watch on her castle with Cassian by her side, keeping her warm and safe.

 

She only opened her eyes when she felt a gloved hand brush against her cheeks. He had leaned closer, brushing the tears from her skin as she leaned into his warmth.

 

She nodded slowly. Cassian felt like he was being punched in the gut, seeing her cry like this. The other times had hurt, but now, as he watched her finally realize what the Empire had taken from her, he wanted to hold her close, to tell her that she wouldn't lose anyone or anything else anymore, that she would never lose him. But he couldn't promise that, so instead he said, "We can't go back, and we'll never be those kids again, I know. But for now, let's just be here. I know you feel guilty about the Rebels who died, but we all knew what this war would cost us when we signed up. If it wasn't by you, it might've been by something else. Please, Alma, don't beat yourself up over this." he urged, gently cupping her cheek. "Don't go back there. Stay here, with me." Alma blinked past tears, looking up into his eyes.

 

She nodded again, allowing him to lean forward until their foreheads touched. Cassian pulled away to plant a soft kiss on her forehead, and she closed her eyes, feeling a fluttering feeling in her stomach. "There's something else I have to tell you, Cassian." She felt him hesitate, and before he could say anything else, she spoke quickly, "It's something, something that I meant to tell you at home, before they took me. It's stupid now, but I just have to say it so you know-"

 

"Alma," Cassian whispered, his voice hoarse as he brought his head down so they were eye to eye. He was so close, their faces only inches apart. He saw her eyes dart to his lips briefly and he smiled, "I already know."

 

She let out a breathy laugh, and he closed the gap between them, bringing his lips to hers. There was the faint taste of salt on both of their tongues as tears mingled with skin, but they were smiling, breaking apart every few seconds just to laugh at it all. When they finally broke a part, they were breathless, foreheads touching as their cheeks ached from the smiles on their faces.

 

"I'm gonna say it anyway just so it's out there." Alma whispered, and Cassian groaned.

 

Alma let out a boisterous laugh, her voice echoing through the glacier as she placed another soft kiss on his lips.

 

"I love you," she murmured, repeating the phrase over and over again with more kisses in between.

 

Cassian chuckled, managing to cut in a quick, "I love you too," before pulling her into his arms.

 

They watched the sun set from there, and while they most certainly were living in the now, it felt nice to believe that for a moment, they were finally home.


End file.
